Running Chick

It’s been a rough couple of months for me. Losing Simon in November was hard, but then losing Spencer just two months later was devastating. For 16 years, it was just the three of us, then it was the two of us, now it’s just me. I did not anticipate how lonely I’d feel and how sad it would be to be here at home without them. People have been telling me that I should seek comfort through my memories, but at the moment my memories just make me sad.  And just about everything else, for that matter.

Grief is so hard. Just when I think I might be working my way out of it, something triggers a memory and my tears come again. There are 5 stages.  I’m clearly in stage 4, which is depression.  I imagine this is the stage where most people stay the longest and for me, it’s the hardest. There’s nothing anybody can say to me or do for me to make me feel better and there’s nothing I can do to make myself feel better. Mostly, I just want to be left alone to deal with my feelings on my own terms.

I decided that I wanted to get something personal that would memorialize them and how much they meant to me. I custom ordered a necklace that just came today.

I think it turned out really nice and it makes me happy.