Running Chick

Running used to be such a great pleasure to me, but it's not anymore. It's become some sort of cruel lesson in pain management.

I'm tired of taking time off to rest. I'm tired of having to continually cut my schedule and my runs short. I'm tired of trying to figure how out I can cross-train enough to maintain my endurance. I'm tired of researching. I'm tired of tweaking. I'm tired of trying this and that and everything else. I'm tired of being consumed by it. Nothing is working.

Mentally, I just don't have it anymore.

And I think up until now I've been in denial.

Maybe if I cut my schedule back from four runs/week to three runs/week, I'll be better.

It's not.

Maybe if I cut my schedule back from three runs/week to two runs/week, I'll be better.

It's not.

Maybe if I don't run at all, it'll be better.

That's the reality that came crashing down on my head during my five mile run this afternoon. Only it didn't turn out to be five, it only turned out to be 3.5 because I just couldn't go any farther. I stopped and stood there feeling defeated and feeling like crying.

This injury. It's like a toothache that never goes away. Sometimes you can ignore it, other times you know it's there, but you can deal with it. And then, after a while, after it's gnawed it's way through the mental barrier you put up to protect against it, you just can't deal anymore and you feel like taking a pair of pliers and yanking the tooth out yourself.

Running is now all about pain. Fear. Anxiety. Confusion. Anger. Frustration. Dread.

I'm a tough chick. I can take a lot of pain and I can withstand a lot of mental challenges.

But this injury. It's broken me.

The schedule for this morning called for 10 miles. Yesterday I had the brilliant idea to drive to Chassell, run back to Houghton then bike back to my car.

Plan in motion.

Getting out of the car in Chassell, the first thing I noticed was the humidity. It was nasty. As in can't catch your breath nasty. Five steps away from the car, I was already sweating. This is going to be fun! Off we go....

I successfully navigated across the the old railroad trestle a half-mile in.

I found a turtle nest that had been pillaged by some critters. 

And this little sign gave me a good chuckle 

Moving right along..at the 3.5 mile point it occurred to me that I was seriously hot.  And sweaty.  And I was in the shade.  Running all the way back to Houghton and biking back was sounding like less and less of a good idea, especially since my shady trail was going to turn into shade-free pavement just after the five mile point.  So, at the 5 mile point, I decided to forego my original brilliant plan and head back to the car.

And it was as that point where things started to go downhill rather quickly.  My hamstrings decided to tighten up to the point there pulling my leg forward was uncomfortable.  I have no idea what that was all about, but between the five and ten mile points, I had to stop about five times and stretch.  The humidity was gone, but replaced by a searing sun that made me feel like I was under a broiler. The last three miles pretty much took all of my mental fortitude to complete.

But I did it, 10 miles are in the bag.  My average pace per mile was 10:41 but that didn’t include the 20 minutes of stopping I did in the last five miles.  If I were to guess, I think my actual pace was around 11:30.  Oh well, whatever.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror of my car as I was climbing in.  No wonder the people I was meeting on the trail were giving me funny looks, I’m human fly paper!